I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
