I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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