I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
