I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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