Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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