Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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