Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
