i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
