I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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