There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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