it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
