Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
