so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
