I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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