If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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