He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
