You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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