I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
