Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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