my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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