He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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