the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
