If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
