Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
