remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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