I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
