Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
