More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
