you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
