why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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