i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
