He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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