he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
