??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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