What a fucking waste of an outfit
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
