I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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