Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
