If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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