Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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