I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
