whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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