I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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