On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
