I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
