Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
