I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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