four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
