quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
