Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
