I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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