It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
