I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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