my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
