Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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