Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
