So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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