so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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