I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?