Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.