She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.