after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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