there's paper in my vomit.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.