after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species