I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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