i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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