just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
