Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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