I wish I only lived at night.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
